The Guardian - Life & Style • Feb. 15, 2026, 5:15 a.m.

Self-reliance is often encouraged over asking others for help in the modern world. But doing everything yourself can be a sign that you are scared of intimacy When a relative was seriously ill and in intensive care for more than a month, Cianne Jones stepped in.

“I took it upon myself to be that person in the hospital every single day – chasing doctors, taking notes, making sure I understood why they were doing things.” It was so stressful, she says, that at one point her hair started falling out, but she ploughed on. It was Jones’s therapist who gently questioned whether she was going to ask for help.

Jones laughs. “The hair falling out didn’t suggest to me that I needed help, it was somebody else looking in and saying that.” She has a large, close family who would have helped immediately – and did, once Jones asked – it’s just that it didn’t occur to her to ask.

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